Quantcast

NOW AVAILABLE: THE FIRST



RolandKickstarter

Roland’s Thanksgiving Rules 2012 Edition

It’s Thanksgiving, so what time is it?!!!!!!!!!! Yep. Time for #rolandsrules!

Disclaimer: the people and situations I am making light of aren’t directed at anyone, any group, any nationality, in particular. Got it? If you can’t take a joke, ain’t my problem. #rolandsrules are meant to be humorous and satirical.

We are not moving dinner time because your plane was late. Stop being cheap and fly into town on Wednesday! #rolandsrules

When it’s time to pray, just pray. Quickly. This is not a testimony service. Save that for your own house! #rolandsrules

When the @HoustonTexans come on the beat the Lions, shut up! If you’re from Detroit, ya better turn into a mime. #rolandsrules

No new boyfriends or girlfriends can come to dinner. First timers not welcome. We didn’t have time to run background checks! #rolandsrules

If you’re a vegetarian, keep it to yourself. We are a family of Christians but we will cuss you out complaining about meat #rolandsrules

If you’re a smoker, take that last puff at midnight. If I even smell tobacco on you, you gotta eat outside! #rolandsrules

If you voted for @MittRomney, and you start whining about Obama gifts, I’m calling 9-1-1. You gonna need some bandages! #rolandsrules

Momma, I told you last year we ain’t using your “special” dishes. We’re not washing all of that stuff by hand! #rolandsrules

This ain’t Cooley High. You pour out some of my brown liquor “for the bruhs who ain’t here,” I’ll smack you into next week! #rolandsrules

If you have an aversion to the stove, you are on watch-kids-play-outside duty. Thanksgiving is NO time for neophytes! #rolandsrules

TO ALL BABY DADDIES: do NOT bring Christmas gifts tomorrow. Thanksgiving is no a twofer. Come see your kids on Christmas! #rolandsrules

Anyone relatives recently in jail will be subject to a pat down. Don’t start none won’t be none! #rolandsrules

ANY discussion about Real Housewives, Basketball Wives, Love & Hip Hop or any other trifling reality show, get to steppin’! #rolandsrules

If you’re a Dallas Cowboys fan, I advise you to put your jersey on after dinner. Or bring your own food! #rolandsrules #hatecowboys

Folks, that’s it for the 2012 Thanksgiving #rolandsrules. Have a fantastic day with the family! And feel free to smack a bad kid! I’m out!

 

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Tags:

Follow Roland Martin Reports on Twitter

Follow Roland S. Martin's Timeline On Facebook

Get Roland Martin Reports in your inbox!
Sign up for Roland Martin Reports Daily News Update powered by FeedBurner

WP-Backgrounds Lite by InoPlugs Web Design and Juwelier Schönmann 1010 Wien