Roland's Super Bowl Rules 2013 | Roland Martin Reports

Roland’s Super Bowl Rules 2013

Has your Super Bowl party started yet? Have you arrived at the Super Bowl party you’re attending? If so, you know what time it is!

Yes, I am working on a humor book of #RolandsRules. But that won’t stop me from dropping a few gems for today’s BMore-Frisco matchup!

Do I need to do like I did for Thanksgiving: drop a disclaimer so folks know the intent of #RolandsRules is to be funny and irreverent?

You will not be allowed to bust out doing the @RayLewis dance at the party. I’m not having dirt and grass on my carpet! #RolandsRules

I love me some @ScandalABC. But unless #OliviaPope @kerrywashington walks through that door, we are only talking football! #RolandsRules

Do not invite all of us over to watch the Super Bowl on your iMac. That is not a TV! #RolandsRules

If you have to change your baby’s diaper, do not do it near the guacamole and chips. We don’t want a serious mix-up #RolandsRules

I know it’s 20 degrees & snowing in DC. But I’m still going to fire up the pit for the Super Bowl party. So shut it! #RolandsRules

If you began the prayer before we eat by saying, “Open your Bibles to…” I’m cussing you out. Make this quick! #RolandsRules

When Beyonce comes on stage at halftime and you change into your “Freakum Dress,” security will usher you out the door #RolandsRules

If you crack out the Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers or Shakeology at the Super Bowl party, call 9-1-1. You will need attention! #RolandsRules

Don’t dare say you throwing a Super Bowl party and we end up at a club with 1,000 others & it is sponsored by a radio station! #RolandsRules

When Beyonce begins & u start screaming like @lilduval at a Michael Jackson concert, you’ll be on @TVOneTV’s Find Our Missing #RolandsRules

Just bring up Beyonce singing at the inauguration one time. Go ahead and try it and see what happens! #RolandsRules

If you rented a 65-inch TV just for your Super Bowl party, and then ask me to help you with the rent, I’m unfollowing you. #RolandsRules

If you got an all-vegetarian spread for the Super Bowl party, I’m deleting you from my iPhone. Shame on you! #RolandsRules

If you show up at my Super Bowl party with a Dallas Cowboys jersey on, ya better make sure your dental insurance is paid! #RolandsRules

If your kids start playing double dutch in the living room while the game is on, I’m going Monique in Precious on ’em! #RolandsRules

Get your own food and drinks. Ain’t nobody here named Jeffrey, Benson, Hazel or Florence. Got it?! #RolandsRules

Today is about FOOTBALL. Don’t show me some soccer highlights on your Samsung Galaxy. This ain’t no @kingjames commercial #RolandsRules

If some of y’all start acting like the Real Housewives of Atlanta at my Super Bowl party, you’ll be Gone With The Wind! #RolandsRules

The ONLY @NFL gear allowed at my Super Bowl party: Ravens, San Francisco and @houstontexans. “Come again?” MY HOUSE. Got it? #RolandsRules

Bruh, if u show up to the SB party in your too tight high school letterman’s jacket, I’ll represent your wife in the divorce. #RolandsRules

Your always drunk cousin will officially begin rehab today. He gets no taste of the brown liquor or even a wine cooler! #RolandsRules

You are not John Madden. So don’t be running up to the TV trying to break down the instant replay. Sit down or get out! #RolandsRules

Bruh, I am not covering for you. If you told your woman you were coming to my party and didn’t show up, she should bust you! #RolandsRules

If I ask you to bring some extra cups and you come in with some Dixie mouthwash cups, I’m kicking you out for being cheap! #RolandsRules

If @GOPBlackChick invites you to a Super Bowl party and says she’s cooking, Ruuuuuunnnn! #RolandsRules #StruggleChicken