WASHINGTON WATCH: Jonathan Slocum, Kym Whitley & Ricky Harris Take On The News (VIDEO)

Roland Martin talks with comedians Jonathan Slocum, Kym Whitley and Ricky Harris about some of the top stories in the news during the Black Hollywood edition of Washington Watch.

MR. MARTIN:  Hey, folks.  Welcome back.

Now it’s time for the ignunt part of our show –


MR. MARTIN:  — where we have guests who don’t care anything about the news, but they just crack jokes.  Jonathan Slocum joins us, Kym Whitley and Ricky Harris.

Folks, welcome to “Washington Watch.”

Lindsay Lohan – seriously, is it me, or shouldn’t this white girl be in somebody’s jail?  ’Cause I’m really getting tired of her getting arrested, goin’ to court, gettin’ off and then goin’ back [and] actin’ a fool.


MR. RICKY HARRIS:  I know if her name was Lil’ Kim, she’d be in jail.

MR. MARTIN:  [Chuckles.]

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  That’s real – [chuckles] – talk.


MR. RICKY HARRIS:  So, I don’t –

MR. MARTIN:  ‘Cause Lil’ Kim went to jail for a year for perjury.

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  For nothin’.  For lyin’.

MR. MARTIN:  And this child is stealin’, doin’ drugs, hittin’ cars and just stayin’ outta jail.

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  And ain’t never gonna go to jail.

MS. WHITLEY:  No, no, no.  She might go to jail.

I feel sorry for her.


MS. WHITLEY:  I do, because she’s just lost.  She’s just lost.  She doesn’t look good.  I met her at one of Puffy’s parties.  When I ti- — no, I’m not gon’ say it.


MS. WHITLEY:  I’m not gonna even say what I wanna say, but the lil’ girl is lost.  Everybody around her – her handlers – cain’t nobody help her.  I’m being very serious.  This lil’ girl – if you got your best friends around you, and they lookin’ at you – you talkin’ to the girl.  She’s like, “Yeah – [unintelligible]” – and her friends are like, “Oh, that’s all” – “Just” – [crosstalk].

MR. MARTIN:  “She[’s] not high.  Don’t worry about it.”

MS. WHITLEY:  Right.  And you’re lookin’ at her like, “She’s high, and you’re helping her!”


MR. JONATHAN SLOCUM:  She needs some black girlfriends.

MR. MARTIN:  Really?

MR. SLOCUM:  She needs Shauntée, Keisha and Tawanna.

MR. MARTIN:  Now, what they gon’ do?

MR. SLOCUM:  They would make her to become a real strong woman.

MS. WHITLEY:  She got a black attorney.

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  Or, she can get with a black man.

MS. WHITLEY:  Really?

MR. MARTIN:  Okay.  Next –

MS. WHITLEY:  What’s –

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  [Crosstalk] –

MS. WHITLEY:  — gonna happen?

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  — she might need somethin’ to help her out a lil’ bit.

MR. MARTIN:  I mean we know you single.

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  Somebody to manage her career.

MS. WHITLEY:  She gon’ get even higher.


MR. MARTIN:  Yeah, we know you single, but – [crosstalk].


MR. MARTIN:  Seriously?  I mean that was –

MS. WHITLEY:  You two together?  Really?

MR. MARTIN:  — yeah, that was a lil’ rough play.

Okay.  I gotta ask you guys – we just had the inauguration of President Barack Obama.  They had parties left and right.  Everybody is trippin’ about Beyoncé and the National Anthem –

MR. SLOCUM:  Lip synching.

MR. MARTIN:  — and it being a recording.

Frankly, I’m with Aretha.  Look, it was too cold out there.  Hey, press “Play.”

OFF CAMERA:  Yeah, exactly.

MS. WHITLEY:  I’m trying to understand what the problem is.  It’s Beyoncé.  That’s who that is.

MR. SLOCUM:  And – [crosstalk] –

MS. WHITLEY:  Beyoncé can do anything she wants to do.

MR. SLOCUM:  — yeah, and it wasn’t like she used somebody else’s voice.  It was her voice.

MR. MARTIN:  This was not Milli Vanilli.

MR. SLOCUM:  No, no, no.

MS. WHITLEY:  Come on, now.


MR. MARTIN:  So, is it – go ahead.

MR. SLOCUM:  It’s cold outside, and it’s, “O-oh say-y-y – [shudders as if he’s cold] – can-n-n y-y-y-y-” – you don’t want that.


MR. MARTIN:  So, Kym has a new reality show.

MR. SLOCUM:  Yeah, that’s what it is.

MR. MARTIN:  And so I’mma ask Ricky and Jonathan.  What do y’all want to see in Kym’s reality show?

MR. SLOCUM:  I would like for Kym to go into a church and preach a sermon on –

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  That is not – [chuckles] –

MR. SLOCUM:  — in front of a room full of women who adore her and want to have everything that she has.

MR. MARTIN:  Well, you know she ain’t – first of all, the first thing you messed up saying “go into a church.”


MR. MARTIN:  She might drive by a church –

MR. SLOCUM:  Kym is –

MR. MARTIN:  — but she ain’t goin’ to a church.

MR. SLOCUM:  — Kym knows the Lord.

MS. WHITLEY:  What would happen if I went into a church?

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  Kym is a –

MR. SLOCUM:  Look.  Kym knows the Lord.  Kym –

MS. WHITLEY:  Would I explode?

MR. MARTIN:  I’d be holy water –


MR. MARTIN:  — comin’ from everywhere!

MS. WHITLEY:  I’m a child of Jesus!

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  But, Roland –

MS. WHITLEY:  I’m a –

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  — she’s a cougar.


MS. WHITLEY:  — child of the Lord.


MR. RICKY HARRIS:  She’s a cougar!

MR. MARTIN:  Kym —

MR. SLOCUM:  She’s a cougar.

MR. MARTIN:  So, Ricky –

MS. WHITLEY:  No, no.  I’m a polar bear,  you know.

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  Yeah.  Right.

MS. WHITLEY:  Cougars, they stalk their prey.  I just take mine.

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  Anybody ever ride around with tennis shows and Xboxes an’ stuff like that?

MR. MARTIN:  [Laughs.]

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  Watch out for her.

MR. SLOCUM:  Like I always say –


MR. SLOCUM:  — Kym is one of those women that’s –

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  Frosted Flakes.

MR. SLOCUM:  — Kym’s one of those women that’s “breast and highly favored.”  [CHUCKLING.]

MS. WHITLEY:  Why, thank you!  You so cray-zee!

MR. SLOCUM:  [Chuckles.]

MS. WHITLEY:  What you think?  Oh, I’m sorry.

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  Oh, I love ya.

MS. WHITLEY:  Thank you.

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  All of y’all.

MR. MARTIN:  [Chuckles.]

MS. WHITLEY:  I would love everyone to watch my reality show on OWN about me raising my child.

MR. MARTIN:  So, your reality show’s about you raising your child.

MS. WHITLEY:  That’s right.

MR. SLOCUM:  What child?  When was you pregnant?

MS. WHITLEY:  Uh-h-h – hey.  I guess you can ask me that.  I ain’t got Beyoncé money or anybody else, huh?

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  You had a baby?

MS. WHITLEY:  Yes!  No!  It’s about –

MR. SLOCUM:  You – [crosstalk] – tell it.

MS. WHITLEY:  — me adopting.

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  Oh.  You’re adopting.

MS. WHITLEY:  I adopted a baby, and it’s about the village that I form around me to help me raise this child.

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  Well, you not really adopting it.  The village is!

MR. MARTIN:  [Chuckles.]

MS. WHITLEY:  Well, I’m trying to help other single women form they village and raise they children – ’cause we always – it’s tough on single moms

MR. MARTIN:  Well, see, Ricky’s just mad you didn’t adopt him.  That’s the problem right there.


MR. RICKY HARRIS:  Please adopt me!

MS. WHITLEY:  — Ricky’s mad ’cause I didn’t do other things –


MS. WHITLEY:  — to him.


MR. MARTIN:  [Laughs.]


MR. SLOCUM:  Aw-w-w-w.

MR. MARTIN:  [Laughs.]  On that note –

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  [Chuckles as Kym pats him on the head.]

MR. MARTIN:  — I think we’re gonna go ahead and wrap this thing up right now.

MS. WHITLEY:  Me and Ricky was Gerald Levert’s real good friend.

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  Yes!  We was real good friends.

MR. MARTIN:  Now, this is the portion –

MS. WHITLEY:  I’m – [crosstalk] –

MR. MARTIN:  — of the show we gotta shout out what you got comin’ up, when you can shamelessly pitch your stuff.

So, what you got goin’ on – [crosstalk]?

MR. SLOCUM:  Thanks to Magic Johnson, I have a show on ASPiRE called “Groundbreaking [Comedy].”

And I want to say to the President and his wife [rhythmically, briefly dancing in his seat, with Kym joining in], “Do the Obamas run this whole country?”

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  [Chuckles.]

MR. MARTIN:  I don’t know what that shout-out was about.  It’s not pitchin’ a show, but you wasted us a lil’ time.

Go ahead, Kym.

MS. WHITLEY:  Oh, he is so crazy.

MR. MARTIN:  What you got, Kym?

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  [Chuckles.]

MS. WHITLEY:  Ah, yes.  You can see me on the OWN network this spring.

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  Wait, wait, wait.  Say that again.  You said that kind of fast.

MS. WHITLEY:  The OWN – you can see me on the OWN network in a show called “Raising Whitley,” and I’m also on “Black Dynamite” on Adult Swim.  So, ya-a-ay!

MR. MARTIN:  She gon’ talk about an adult, pornographic show.

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  [Chuckles.]

MR. MARTIN:  Look[?] at you.

MS. WHITLEY:  Oh!  That is bad.  Yeah – [crosstalk] –

MR. MARTIN:  I’m just messin’ wit’ you.

Ricky what ya got?

MS. WHITLEY:  — that is true.

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  I got a standup record coming out, called “The Chronicles of Ricky Harris,” and I got a  hip-hop record with –

MS. WHITLEY:  Did you say “record”?

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  — a character that I do.  Yeah.

MR. MARTIN:  Just don’t even – just don’t –


MR. MARTIN:  — let ’im finish.

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  Old school.

MR. MARTIN:  Let ’im finish –

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  Old school.

MR. MARTIN:  — ’cause you got two –

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  I’m old school.  Let me finish.

MR. MARTIN:  — you got two records –

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  Let me finish!

MR. MARTIN:  — comin’ out.

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  Yeah, I got two records comin’ out.  One is a hip-hop record from a character that I did on Snoop Dogg’s record, DJ Easy, and –

MR. MARTIN:  Ricky, Ricky –

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  — the name of the record is –

MR. MARTIN:  — right.  What the hell is the name of the record?  Can we –

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  — I’m gettin’ ready to tell ’em!

MR. MARTIN:  — see, it’s called a wrap-up, Ricky.  Dang!

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  The name –

MR. MARTIN:  Whoo!

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  — of the record is “The – [censored] – Hour.”

MR. SLOCUM:  Whoa.

MR. MARTIN:  Gotcha.  All right, then!

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  [Laughs.]

MR. MARTIN:  Well, first of all, you know it’s jacked-up when you say you have a record.  You cain’t download a record.

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  [Laughs.]  I’mma – I’mma –


MR. RICKY HARRIS:  — beat your ass.  [Chuckles.]

MR. MARTIN:  — you cain’t listen to Ricky on yo’ iPod ’cause he has a “record.”

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  All right.  All right.  [Chuckles.]

MR. MARTIN:  So, Ricky, good luck with your “record.”

Everybody else –

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  [Laughs.]

MR. MARTIN:  — check out the CD or the download.

Jonathan, Kym, Ricky –

MS. WHITLEY:  Follow –

MR. MARTIN:  — thanks a bunch.

MS. WHITLEY:  — me on Twitter?


MS. WHITLEY:  Can I say that?


MR. MARTIN:  Yeah.  Follow ’em all on Twitter.  That’s right.  And Ricky with the Gilligan hat.

MR. RICKY HARRIS:  [Laughs.]