ROLAND’S RULES: 2013 Thanksgiving Edition

Time for the 2013 Thanksgiving edition of #RolandsRules. Tell everyone it’s time to lay down the law!

Young Ladies, don’t roll up at my house for Thanksgiving w/a do rag on your head. On Rihanna, it’s sexy. But you look crazy! #RolandsRules

Some of y’all are only at my house because your parents are my parents siblings. If I ignore you, it’s on purpose, OK? #RolandsRules

I’d advise you to watch an episode of @tvonetv#NewsOneNow before you come over for Thanksgiving. No watching, no eating! #RolandsRules

We have too many family members for Thanksgiving dinner for you to invite friends over. Have them text somebody else. #RolandsRules

We’re having fried turkey this year. If you don’t like fried food, go get a grilled chicken sandwich from Popeye’s! #RolandsRules

I know you think asparagus is the next best thing to being saved, but you better bring a side dish of green beans, got it?! #RolandsRules

I bought Smirnoff & Grey Goose vodka for the grown folks. Unless you know @iamdiddy personally don’t be asking for some Ciroc! #RolandsRules

If you’re watching your sugar count, I advise you to bypass the Kool-Aid. It’s really sugar mixed & a splash of colored water. #RolandsRules

Say one negative word about my @houstontexans & you might want to make sure that’s powdered sugar on your yams! #RolandsRules

Momma been baking cakes for five decades. You just started. Bring some cupcakes and work your way into the starting rotation. #RolandsRules

Bring your own toilet paper. With the tough economy, Grandpa has been having a Depression flashback & is rationing sheets. LOL #RolandsRules

Stop asking the kids to stop running around. If they run into the wall, it’s all good. We’ll just paint over the blood.#RolandsRules

Mention Glenn Beck, Michelle Bachman, Don Lemon, the Tea Party or the Dallas Cowboys and #teamwhipdatass will be activated! #RolandsRules

If you bring your Thanksgiving night club outfit to dinner, we will douse you with holy oil, you heathen! #RolandsRules

Got something to say about Obama & Healthcare.gov at my house? Daddy says you’ll need that exchange sooner than later! #RolandsRules

Yes, I’m having gumbo for Thanksgiving. You got a problem with it, host the family get together at your efficiency next year! #RolandsRules

To everyone who owes me money, don’t go begging everyone for a $20 to pay me back. This ain’t a rent party! #RolandsRules

If you think it’s wrong Real Housewives of ATL & Love & Hip Hop won’t win an @naacpimageaward, just the get the hell out! #RolandsRules

To all the kids: if I speak or yell to you to come here & you text me back or hit me on Twitter, you’re gonna need Jesus. NOW. #RolandsRules

You don’t want to watch football on Thanksgiving, find another family. We have a long waiting list to get in.#RolandsRules

If you are whining about the speed of my Wi-Fi, I’ll tell your momma to stop paying your damn cell phone bill #Rolandsrules

We are ready to eat the Thanksgiving dinner so keep the prayer tight. You are not auditioning for #PreachersofLA. Got it? #RolandsRules

On my wall are four photos: Jesus, MLK, Obama and#OliviaPope. If you got issues with that, get to steppin’! LOL #RolandsRules

If you have ANYTHING to say about food you didn’t cook or pay for, Huck will be driving you home from Thanksgiving dinner. #RolandsRules

Ok, the LAST 2013 Thanksgiving edition of #RolandsRules…

Thanksgiving dinner is at 1 pm. Y’all gotta leave by 9 pm. I gotta give thanks to @jhoodmartin! BOOM! LOL #RolandsRules

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